How to Bring Romantic Feelings Back
Talking openly is the first thing one should do when it feels like romantic feelings for someone have started to fade away. It’s important to be honest not only to yourself but to the other person as well. A sudden change in the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that all is coming to an end. It’s important to use this moment to comprehend what’s happening, understand why it’s happening, and know what to do next.
5-Minute Crafts will help you figure things out and bring back those long-forgotten feelings.
Try to understand why the feelings are leaving.
- You’ve started to speak less. If earlier you were gladly telling each other how your day was and you wanted to hear your partner’s opinion on it, now you do it much less often. Perhaps you’ve ditched having such conversations completely.
- Your attitude has changed. Think about how you treat those around you now. Are you interacting with them differently? If things stayed the same with them but became different with your partner, it’s a sign that you should review your relationship.
- You ignore your partner. It becomes especially noticeable when you become indifferent to their everyday events. Before, you had an interest in your partner’s plans, but now it’s been replaced by indifference.
- You’ve become less available. You’ve become distant from your partner and don’t react to them physically.
- You’ve stopped debating. You are no longer interested in sharp topics that your partner is trying to raise. Moreover, you don’t want to waste your time trying to figure things out.
💡 One should pay attention to all the aforementioned signs, but they don’t mean that the relationship has come to an end. If you are ready to put forth some effort to bring back the fading spark, use the methods described below.
Let your negative emotions out.
It’s absolutely normal to get angry and feel sad, especially when the first strong feelings of falling in love are dimming down and the partner stops being ideal. Silent suppression of your negative emotions is something that won’t help you in this situation. Sudden furious splashes of anger are not of good help either. In this case, it’s better to act a bit differently.
Tell your friend or psychotherapist why you are angry at your partner. It’s important to choose a person who won’t be too harsh or critical. They should be understanding and not judge you. A person who will unconditionally take your side and support all the negative things that are coming out of you is not a person who can help you.
The idea of a “release” is not in feeding your anger but rather, in cleaning and easing your condition, releasing the accumulated anger. As the result, you should come to a more rational point of view on the situation.
Recall why you fell in love with your partner.
Think about the qualities that you love and value in your partner. Recall what actions made you smile, what makes you feel good, and what moments made you feel that this was the right person for you.
Create conditions where your partner will be able to show these qualities. You can plan more entertaining activities or events together.
If you like the tenderness, kindness, and friendliness of your partner, pay more attention to the communication you have with each other. Set the right tone in your conversation and show your interest in the things happening around you. Prioritize this task, putting aside other ideals.
Resist getting into the critical mode.
At one moment or another, any person in a relationship can find out that they are looking at their beloved through the prism of critique. For example, you may cringe when you hear your partner clearing their throat, or roll your eyes and get annoyed when they forget something and return home to get it. It’s especially easy to get into this habit if you live together and are in contact with each other regularly.
What you need to accept is that your partner has always been like this, even when you saw them for the first time and fell in love. The real reason for the sudden appearance of criticism is much deeper than it might seem at first glance. People tend to project the negative traits of their parents onto their partners. Because of this, we often misinterpret other people’s words and actions. We can even provoke another person to do bad things because they seem familiar to us.
This process is controlled by a so-called inner critic. It is our inner enemy. Its goal is to sabotage and distance you from others. As a rule, it’s very picky with the people closest to you. Of course, your partner might have disadvantages, but you should look at them rationally. The inner critic won’t let you do it, it will keep giving you bad advice.
Let’s look at a simple situation to understand how the critical inner voice looks. Let’s say your partner became reserved and distant from you. You could open up to them by asking how things are. But your inner critic will say, “See? He doesn’t care about you. He is such a selfish man! You should stop these relationships.”
If you want to bring your feelings back, you need to be able to see your inner critic and resist it. It doesn’t mean you should live in a fantasy and ignore the real drawbacks of your partner. Just make sure to be more empathetic and attentive toward them, and don’t let this “voice” kill your warm feelings.
Recall who you were when you fell in love.
When we come to the understanding that our feelings of falling in love are taking a step back, we start to yearn for and miss, not only the person who managed to conquer our heart, but also the person we used to be and the way we used to feel at that time. Most of us want to keep things at the same level and remain the person who once made our partner fall in love with us.
Of course, each person continues to develop and grow. Returning to one’s previous state doesn’t mean they should forget what they’ve experienced, reverting to an old version of oneself. It really doesn’t concern your partner at all. Tamsen Firestone, the author of Daring to Love, says, “The truth is that the primary obstacle to love is within us. Our biggest challenge isn’t finding love; it’s confronting our defenses against it and daring to allow love to develop.” That’s why bringing the feelings back is, first, overcoming protective mechanisms and returning to something that you used to feel toward yourself, your partner, and your life in general.
Try to spend quality time together.
You fall in love looking at each other and listening to each other. If you continue looking at each other and listening to each other just as attentively, you will be able to support the feeling of being in love for a long time. Perhaps you have some good memories about the past when everything was just starting, a time when everything seemed new and breathtaking. You would likely talk for hours and missed each other immensely even if you were part for a short time. However, soon the demands of the outside world (whether it’s work, family, friends, or other things) started to gradually “eat” the time that you would like to spend together. That’s when looking into each other’s eyes was replaced with a dry text sent to your phone.
Emotional signals that you both need to feel loved can be conveyed only in person, which is why you should try to consider the following tips.
- Try to allocate time for talking to each other each day. Put aside your phones and don’t occupy your mind with everyday things.
- Find something you like to do together. It can be a common hobby, dance classes, everyday walks, or a morning cup of coffee.
- Try something new. This could be, for example, a dinner in a recently opened restaurant or a 1-day trip to a place you had never visited before.
- Focus on having fun together. At the beginning of the relationship, you were likely laughing a lot, but with time, when life’s hardships hit you, your old offenses started to accumulate, and you stopped laughing as much. Sustaining a sense of humor can help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and deal with issues more easily. Consider surprising your partner with something. Bring flowers home or unexpectedly reserve a table at your favorite café. Playing with pets or young children can also help keep you entertained.