Angry people tend to curse everything in the world, swear, and speak in highly colorful terms — their thinking becomes exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For example, instead of saying to yourself, “Oh, this is terrible, everything is ruined,” say, “It’s obvious that I am upset, but this is not the end of the world, anger won’t fix the situation, and it won’t help me.”

Be careful with words like “never” and “always” when talking about yourself or someone else. You use expressions like, “You always forget something,” to justify your anger without looking for another way to solve the problem. These expressions also alienate people who might have helped you find the solution.

Anger won’t fix anything nor will it make you feel better. On the contrary, you’ll feel even worse. Anger can quickly become irrational, so use cold, hard logic on yourself. Remember that the world is not against you, you are simply experiencing difficulties at a particular time. Do this every time you feel your anger taking over, and it will help calm you down a little.

When people are angry, they start demanding things: justice, gratitude, or agreement. As part of cognitive restructuring, you need to become aware of your demanding nature and translate your expectations into desires. In other words, you should say things that include “I would like” instead of “I demand.” When you can’t get what you want, it’s normal to feel disappointed or hurt but not angry. Sometimes people use anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the pain will go away.

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