When we fight, our first emotion is likely to be a desire to protect ourselves from pain, so we might start accusing our partner and getting angry with them. If you want to calm things down and initiate a more intimate conversation, you might want to try approaching your partner from a more loving and vulnerable side.

Just drop your half of the dynamic in the argument and let your partner know that they’re far more important to you than fighting and winning an argument. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore your needs and settle for your partner’s solution to the problem. But this technique allows you to go from aggression and defensiveness to a more open and honest conversation.

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