How to Survive a Break-Up
Most people have experienced the ending of a romantic relationship. And it’s almost never easy. It can actually be quite hard and painful.
5-Minute Crafts decided to read some advice from psychologists to find out what can help you survive a break-up and heal a broken heart. We want to share the recommendations of experts with you.
1. Admit the fact that you’re breaking up and accept the end of the relationship
Ending a relationship often happens in 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
The first stage is denial and this is why we refuse to admit the break-up and we still have illusions that things can go back to the way they were, and the relationship can be normal again.
It’s important to not get stuck here and honestly admit that the relationship is over:
✔ Admit that the relationship is over and it will never be the same again.
✔ If possible, stop communicating with your ex-partner. If not (for example, if you have kids), minimize the communication.
✔ Don’t look for excuses to meet. Don’t call your ex to return things or congratulate them on something.
✔ Unsubscribe from your ex on social media. Resist the temptation to watch their life. You’ve broken up with them.
2. Accept the fact that the responsibility for ending the relationship is not entirely on you
The bargaining stage might push you toward looking for any way to return to the relationship. For example, you might start promising that you will change, that everything you did wrong will be fixed. You will learn to cook, lose weight, go to a psychologist, and so on.
When you promise to solve all of these problems between you and your partner, you put all the responsibility for restoring and supporting the relationship on yourself. Bargaining can distract you only for a short time and give you the illusion of controlling the relationship, strengthening the faith that you can save it by doing something.
At this stage, don’t ignore the fact that both of you are responsible for the relationship and its end. You can’t take all of the responsibility for that.
3. Let yourself mourn the relationship
Sadness is a natural part of life. It’s normal to be sad when you say goodbye to someone you love. The path you’ve walked together, and the memories of the time you spent together are important. And only when you let yourself mourn the relationship, can you move on.
Nobody likes negative feelings but it’s important to have them. If you ignore the negative part and pretend it doesn’t exist, it only slows down the healing process.
4. Ask yourself, “Which qualities of this person do I still need?”
“What exactly have I lost?” When we think about it, we have a chance to understand which of our needs our partner satisfied. Maybe it was emotional support you needed, adoration, care, psychological or financial stability, everyday things. Think about which of these needs you can satisfy by yourself and which ones you need other people to help you with.
For example, you needed the emotional support of your ex and now you need additional help due to the break-up. In this case, surround yourself with friends that can support you. Friends can be good for you if you need a conversation to cheer you up or when you want to see the situation from a different angle.
5. Take off the rose-colored glasses when you think about your ex
Think about 5 times when your ex offended or disappointed you or some other negative things about them. You can also write a list of their qualities or actions that irritate you. It will help you realize that this person wasn’t perfect. Sometimes we see our exes through rose-colored glasses which doesn’t let us move on.
Think about your relationship honestly. What was it like? This way, you will stop idolizing your ex and fixate only on the good stuff.
6. Remember how you used to deal with these situations in the past
If you think you will never learn to deal with your sadness, maybe it will be useful to remember your previous break-ups. Maybe, you’ve already had similar feelings even if it was some school romance.
Remember how strong your feelings were at the time and realize that you managed to meet someone that made you forget everyone you ever dated in the past. These thoughts might be healing, they can help you see things in perspective and remember that you already have experience dealing with break-ups.
7. Rediscover yourself
If your free time and leisure were strongly connected with your ex, now is the time to rediscover how you are.
Find out who you are outside the relationship. Don’t rush to fill the void you have by jumping into a new relationship. Doing this while not understanding what you want and what you are like by yourself is a big mistake and a path to new pain.
An extra step
If you feel that you can’t deal with negative emotions after breaking up or if you are stuck at a certain stage (you can’t accept what happened, or you keep crying or feeling angry), you might need professional help.
A qualified expert can help you deal with all the stages, finish the relationship that is still going on in your mind, heal your broken heart, and accept the fact the relationship is now in the past. After that, you will be able to see a picture of the world without your ex and you will see new opportunities.