How to Talk to a Stranger | Safety Tips for Meeting With a Stranger

Talking with strangers can be intimidating, even if you’re just at a family party or a friend’s house. However, when trying to talk to someone you don’t know to make new friends or simply for meeting them, there are several things you can do to avoid feeling like the most awkward person in the world.

In this article, we’ve prepared a step-by-step guide on how to talk to a stranger without feeling weird, as well as some safety tips that can come in handy if you’re getting together with someone you’ve only met on social media platforms.

1. Use body language to approach the person in a friendly way.

Studies suggest that oxytocin levels go up when making eye contact, leading to an increased sense of trust between 2 people who don’t know each other. So, if you want to start talking to a stranger, begin with a casual gaze of between 3 and 5 seconds. Keep in mind that prolonged eye contact can make the other person feel uncomfortable, so avoid staring at a stranger for too long. If the person lifts their eyebrows, they may want to talk. However, if they avoid making eye contact or shift their eyes away from yours, they may not be interested in talking to you.

As you get ready to approach a stranger, don’t forget to smile warmly and genuinely. Relax your lips and cheeks and lean your face slightly forward. If you feel nervous about smiling at someone you don’t know, think about something that makes you feel happy.

Finally, make sure that your hands are visible to look more trustworthy. Crossing your arms or keeping your hands within your pockets or behind your back can make you appear unreceptive or defensive. Therefore, it’s very important that you show your hands by keeping them at your sides in a relaxed way.

2. Start with an opening line.

Once you’ve approached the stranger using the social cues mentioned before, start talking to the person with an opening line. You can begin by simply saying, “Hi, how are you doing?” or “Hello, how are you? I’m Tania.” The opening line could depend on how formal the situation is or on your personality, but opposite to what you may think, there’s no need to use something deep to begin a good conversation.

You can also go with the classic “Have we met before?” This simple opening line can help you make a connection with the other person and build a conversation from there.

3. Don’t forget to introduce yourself.

Although this may sound pretty obvious, it’s something that you shouldn’t forget because once you know a person’s name, you’ve technically met that person. Introducing yourself will help you establish a rapport and develop a more natural interaction.

If you’re at a casual event with coworkers or friends, it’s a good idea to introduce yourself by reaching out for a handshake when meeting them for the first time. After that, you can continue with the next steps.

💡Sometimes it may be difficult to know when to introduce yourself and ask the other person for their name. If you’re talking to a stranger at a store or on the street, you may want to talk for a few minutes before giving up this information. You can say, “Sorry, what was your name?” or “I’m Tania, by the way; it’s been nice talking with you.”

4. Break the ice by using “triangulation.”

This concept, described by Kio Stark in her book When Strangers Meet, invites you to picture 3 things as if they were the points of a triangle: yourself, the person you’d like to talk to, and something noticeable to you that you can both comment on, such as a mutual friend, the food at a party, or a nearby building with a unique design.

Research suggests that there’s an increased possibility that people connect when they have a feeling of shared experience. So if you don’t know how to start talking to a stranger, take a look at your immediate surroundings and use them as something that you both have in common.

❗When talking with strangers, it’s generally best to stay away from negative topics, such as politics, negative headlines, traffic, and things you don’t like about your job or other people. Instead, choose to focus on positive topics, such as an upcoming holiday, your pets, a thrilling project, or how tasty the food is.

5. Use a compliment.

Praising someone politely can be an easy way to start a conversation. You can comment on the person’s outfit, hairstyle, jewelry, or other accessories by saying, “I love that ring! Where did you get it?” Clothing and style play vital roles in self-identify that help people depict who they are. Therefore, a simple comment on a person’s accessories can result in getting to know a bit more about them and their history.

After they’ve given you a response, make sure there’s something you can say to keep the conversation going and provide follow-up sentences to give some personal information about yourself. For example, if the person says that they bought their ring at a specific store, you can say that you’ve seen that place in your daily commute to work.

🚫 Don’t comment on intimate features of someone’s appearance, saying something like, “Is that your real hair color?” or “Wow, you’re so skinny!”

6. Instead of trying to be interesting, be interested in who you’re talking to.

Leading your attention to the other person diminishes the pressure of attempting to be interesting. So, instead of impressing them by trying to be interesting, just make sure that you’re interested in them. For example, you can ask questions to know more about them or show a real sense of curiosity about what they’re saying. Some questions you may want to ask include:

• What’s your favorite food?
• Where are you from?
• Do you like podcasts? Do you listen to any?
• What brought you to this city?
• What do you like to do in your free time?

7. Act as if you were already a friend.

Although assuming closeness could sound a bit weird when talking with strangers, this just means that you’re approaching them in a calm, non-threatening way, just as you would do it with a friend. Some tips to do this include:

• Take deep breaths to appear calm and not nervous.
• Never approach the person from behind.
• Sit down to be physically lower.
• Ask follow-up questions that are more profound.

❗Keep in mind that assuming closeness to the other person does not mean that you can ask them probing questions about their traumas or relationship status.

8. Make sure you wait 1-2 seconds before you continue talking.

Filling every single moment of a conversation with a joke, a comment, or just small talk can seem awkward or rushed. For instance, answering a question very quickly could mean that you’re anxious or not 100% sure about what you’re saying.

Therefore, when talking with strangers, it’s a good idea to take slow breaths and let the other person’s words float in the air before you speak. Using 1 to 2 seconds to remain silent can help you show that you’re relaxed and fully interested in your conversation.

Bonus: safety tips when meeting with a stranger you’ve met online

• Get familiar with what they look like. Check their social media pages to make sure that the person has the same face and name on their different accounts. Remember that it’s not difficult for a person to fake their identity online. So if you have doubts about the person after doing this, ask them to send you a picture of themselves holding a specific item, such as a can of soda or a book. You can explain that you would feel safer this way.
• Let someone close to you know about your plans. Always tell your friends or family who and where you’re meeting. Don’t forget to check in with them often and tell them how you feel after meeting the person.
• Think about an excuse and have it ready in case you don’t feel safe and want to end your meetup earlier than expected.
• Choose a public place with other people around. Make sure to arrive early and park your car in a spot where there’s a street lamp, even if it’s not dark yet.
• Bring someone with you. It’s always a good idea to bring a friend or to plan something with trusted friends.

Do you have any other tips for talking to strangers without feeling awkward? What are some safety musts when meeting with a stranger? Tell us in the comments!