What Burnt Toast Syndrome Is
Today’s mothers have to face a difficult choice. With the birth of a baby, not only do they feel tons of love, but they typically sacrifice themselves to give the best to their babies. Oftentimes, such behavior gets projected onto other family members. The mother can start to forget about her professional skills and move her career to the back burner.
5-Minute Crafts will tell you how to distinguish the burnt toast syndrome in your behavior and how to get rid of it.
Why it’s called “burnt toast”
The issue of a woman’s self-sacrifice can be shown in the example of a family breakfast. Oftentimes, the mother will offer the tastiest and most attractive parts of a dish to the family, leaving the less successful pieces, like burnt toast, for herself.
Afterward, she starts to neglect her own needs that get overshadowed by her efforts to create comfort for kids, other relatives, and other people close to her. With her actions, the woman shows that she only “deserves crumbs.”
If this is a harmless motherly instinct or something bigger
Women take responsibility for the well-being of people around them and put their needs in last place. Their kids start to understand that their mother is ready to do anything for them at any cost. They watch the behavior of their mother throughout their life, and that’s why they don’t consider it sacrificial. Kids don’t thank their mothers for every act of sacrifice because they have never seen other types of behavior in their lives.
Over time, mothers turn into grandmothers with the burnt toast syndrome and the template of such behavior passes on to the next generations.
The first symptoms
Everything happens gradually. Together with the newborn, the mother strives greatly to protect the child from any harm. The love for the baby overshadows everything around her, and their well-being becomes the main goal of the mother’s life. Such strong feelings can start the burnt toast syndrome.
The first “burnt toast” can be seen in small situations when a woman puts her desires in last place. She can neglect the rest that is necessary for her while taking care of the baby or be ready to face other inconveniences.
If this is taking care of the baby or a form of self-denial
Carried away by selfless motherhood, one may not notice how caring for a child turns into self-sacrifice. The wish to do everything for the pleasure of one’s beloved offspring, even at the cost of sacrifice, is not what mothers should be striving for.
A lack of sleep and rest is normal when there is a small kid at home. However, as the baby grows, the volume of self-restriction for the mother should be decreasing, not vice versa. If kids are growing up but the mother continues to refuse to enjoy life and limits their own needs, this can be worrisome.
What feelings are hidden inside
Besides unconditional love for kids and other family members, there is a wish to feel needed, and that’s what is hiding behind this syndrome. The needs of other people equate to the feeling of self-worth.
It’s easier to use demonstrative selflessness than assert your boundaries and work on relationships with loved ones. It seems to women that if they stop responding to each request, they will become “bad” and useless.
How to help yourself
First of all, you need to throw the “burnt toast” away. Share it equally between all the family members. Take your needs into account just as much as you would those of your family.
The most precious and dear person, for each of us, is yourself. You won’t be able to help your loved ones fully if you are not helping yourself and are not listening to what you need. Those close to you should see that their mother is not forgetting about herself and respects her own needs.
Don’t neglect help from those close to you
It’s important to learn to accept help from people who care about you. Don’t stop them in their quest to support you, even if it’s going to take a lot of time to explain how they can lend a hand.
When a woman develops the habit of sharing the workload with those around her and reminds herself that she deserves good things, she will no longer want to be stuck with the “burnt toast.”