How to Become the Real You
First of all, in order to become your true self, you need to learn more about yourself, and understand your feelings and needs. Then, you need to learn to express this all in words and actions. And then, you have to stay true to yourself and not let other people, society, and even your inner critic scare you and change against your will.
We at 5-Minute Crafts are going to help you to discover your true self and to not be afraid of being you.
Analyze your behavior.
Answer a series of questions to find out how often you avoid “yourself”. Be honest.
- Has there ever been a time in your life when you forced yourself to be “on” even though you didn’t feel like it?
- Have you ever found it difficult to be honest with yourself about how you really feel?
- If you had to talk about your strengths and weaknesses, would it be hard for you?
- When you’re around others, do you ever feel strained and uncomfortable and find it hard to relax?
- Has anyone ever told you that they thought you were one way, but when they got to know you better, realized you were another way?
- Do you ever pretend to like someone you really don’t?
- Has anyone ever commented on how you act differently around various people?
- Do you have any masks?
If you’ve answered “yes” to at least some of these questions, you should think about whether you accept yourself for who you really are.
Other things that might indicate that you don’t accept your true self:
- You tend to take on other people’s behaviors.
- You’re afraid to disagree with someone or state an opposing opinion.
- You pretend to like certain things that you don’t actually like because you don’t want to be “different”.
- You watch the way people dress, the way they do their hair, what music they listen to, etc. and copy those things even if they aren’t what you actually like or are comfortable with.
- You avoid having people come over to your house because they would learn too much about “the real you”.
- You tend to think that most other people are better than you.
- You feel the need to act happy when you’re not because you don’t want to talk to anyone about what’s going on.
Don’t worry if you can relate to these situations. Let’s find out what you can do to be yourself and be comfortable.
Analyze your past.
It’s not always easy to go back into the past because there are probably some traumatizing episodes we would like to forget. But it’s important and useful because we are defined not only by the things that happened to us but also by how we’ve dealt with them. Unsolved problems can impact the behavior model in the future.
❗️Studying your past is better done with an expert that can help you work with all the memories correctly in order for them not to hurt you.
In trying to hide from a past experience, we can feel lost. So, the actions we do become automatic. In his book “Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation”, famous psychiatrist Daniel Siegel described an episode that happened to him and his son: The doctor got angry and yelled at the boy. Later, after processing this episode, Siegel realized that this emotional explosion had to do with the feelings he had in his childhood towards his brother.
Memories have many layers, and they might quickly come to our minds and dictate our actions. In such situations, we act automatically and special mind techniques allow us to focus our attention on how the consciousness works.
Using this concept, people realize where their behaviors come from. So, in the future, they will be able to change their actions.
Answer the question: “Who am I?”
Here, we mean starting to go deeper into the question of who you really are. The people that have been fighting themselves for a long time, might have a hard time understanding which opinions and preferences are really theirs and which were adopted from other people.
Analyze these things:
1. What are your morals and values?
What do you believe is right and wrong, and why? Where do you stand on matters of ethics and other important questions? These are very complex topics and this is why the process of figuring out who you are can be time-consuming. As a result, you will know why you make certain decisions and why you believe the things you believe.
2. What are your preferences?
What music do you listen to when you’re alone in your car, that you previously would never have told anyone you enjoy? What type of movies do you get excited about when you see a preview for a new release? Which of your possessions are most valuable to you, and why?
To answer this question, you will have to read a lot of books and watch a bunch of movies. It might mean going to different types of restaurants and ordering new things or searching online for music in new and different genres. Trying new things that you never would have thought to try will allow you to form an opinion one way or the other, and it will also enable you to confidently tell people what you think about things when it comes up in conversation because you will have actually tried them with the intention of forming your own unique opinion.
3. Make a list of things you often do with your friends or people you know well. For each item on the list, think about what you actually like and dislike about that event or activity. Are there any things on the list that you participate in simply because “it’s what everyone else does”? Are there any activities or events on the list that make you uncomfortable, and why? In which situations or events are you most comfortable, and why?
4. What type of person are you? Are you an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Think about how your personality type affects your preferences.
Silence your inner critic.
Remember that you are an adult, so turn off the parent control. This inner voice might start a destructive thought process. It will try to tell you that you are not good enough and you don’t deserve to be successful. Or it will tell you that you don’t need to try and control things — it’s useless anyway.
The inner critic is often your enemy that makes you feel like a child. When it analyzes every single word your say or thing you do, it’s hard to be yourself. Work on not paying any attention to it whatsoever.
What to do:
- The moment you start criticizing yourself for something, turn your attention to your body and breathing. Use every single one of your senses to stay in the moment and feel your presence here and now.
- Stop the flow of negative thoughts with the phrase, “No, it’s not true.” Always say to yourself, “I’m hardworking and I can do it.”
Remove your masks.
Your “masks” are the different facades or inauthentic personalities that you put on to make people like you, to fit in better with certain people, or to hide the real you for any number of other reasons. Now, you should already know who you really are and your inner critic is silent. Now, find out why you wear your masks.
Look back at the list of things you do with your friends. Do you feel uncomfortable around them? If you do, think about the things you do differently with them than when you are not with them. This is one of your masks.
If you have more than one social circle or group of friends, do you talk or behave differently with one group than you do with the other? Behaving differently with different people is not necessarily a bad thing as long as you’re being yourself with both groups. Remember, your personality has many different aspects, so just because you’re different with one group than you are with the other doesn’t mean that you aren’t being yourself.
For example, you will certainly act differently around your boss than you do around your best friend. And you will probably act differently around your best friend than you do around your family. And you probably act differently around your family than you do with a complete stranger. But you should stay true to your principles.
Being yourself is not the same as being selfish.
Some people mistakenly believe that if they’re going to be themselves, they have to eliminate their verbal filter and say everything that pops into their heads. But this isn’t the case; in fact, if you’re looking to decimate your friend group and start fresh, this would be the easiest way to do it.
You don’t have to say every single thing you think about. It doesn’t mean you are fake. It means you have discretion. You need to be honest about what you think, how you feel, and what you believe in but still, respect other people.
Don’t let “be yourself” become a reason for not trying at all. You need to analyze the situation you are in correctly. In other words, stay true to yourself but remember, you are a person, so you can be versatile.