At one moment or another, any person in a relationship can find out that they are looking at their beloved through the prism of critique. For example, you may cringe when you hear your partner clearing their throat, or roll your eyes and get annoyed when they forget something and return home to get it. It’s especially easy to get into this habit if you live together and are in contact with each other regularly.

What you need to accept is that your partner has always been like this, even when you saw them for the first time and fell in love. The real reason for the sudden appearance of criticism is much deeper than it might seem at first glance. People tend to project the negative traits of their parents onto their partners. Because of this, we often misinterpret other people’s words and actions. We can even provoke another person to do bad things because they seem familiar to us.

This process is controlled by a so-called inner critic. It is our inner enemy. Its goal is to sabotage and distance you from others. As a rule, it’s very picky with the people closest to you. Of course, your partner might have disadvantages, but you should look at them rationally. The inner critic won’t let you do it, it will keep giving you bad advice.

Let’s look at a simple situation to understand how the critical inner voice looks. Let’s say your partner became reserved and distant from you. You could open up to them by asking how things are. But your inner critic will say, “See? He doesn’t care about you. He is such a selfish man! You should stop these relationships.”

If you want to bring your feelings back, you need to be able to see your inner critic and resist it. It doesn’t mean you should live in a fantasy and ignore the real drawbacks of your partner. Just make sure to be more empathetic and attentive toward them, and don’t let this “voice” kill your warm feelings.

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